THE SHADOW

WHAT IT IS AND HOW TO BEFRIEND IT

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Many of us have heard the saying

“What you resist, persists”

This is probably one of the best ways

To describe the nature of our human shadows

Our shadow is essentially the part of ourselves

That we do our best to keep hidden

Because we find it shameful &

Unacceptable in some way

The problem with the shadow 

— and with the notion of a purely

‘Positive Psychology’ approach to life — 

Is that the things we don’t confront &

Come to terms with, within ourselves 

Don’t just go away or die off on their own

In fact, they usually persist

And they show up in our lives 

In all kinds of sneaky and sabotaging ways 

— such as various forms of mental illness,

low self esteem, chronic pain, anxiety, addictions,

and a whole host of other experiences ranging from

painful to downright excruciating 

If you don’t know what your shadows are

— and yes we ALL have them — 

I’d encourage you, over the next few days,

to really start paying attention to what triggers 

you in other people, especially qualities/behaviors/etc

that you find yourself routinely annoyed, irritated, or 

otherwise offended by

The things that we strongly dislike in others

Are typically a good reflection of the parts of ourselves

That we have either disowned or not fully integrated yet

(I explain this further in examples below)

And the biggest indicator of our shadows 

Are the things that make us defensive

If you’re interested in going deeper on this

You can look up the works of 

Swiss Psychoanalyst 

Carl Jung

STEPS FOR BEFRIENDING YOUR SHADOW

MINDFULNESS

In order to do this work

You need to have a basic

Capacity for introspection

As well as a willingness to be honest

With yourself

The fact that you’re reading this 

Is indication enough that you have

What it takes to embark on this journey

COMPASSION (FOR YOU)

Like I always tell my clients

We strive to do all this work 

From a place of Self Compassion

In fact, you will need A LOT of Self Love

And compassion

Because this work is not for the faint of heart

But it makes life so much richer

That it’s absolutely worth doing

SILENCE & CENTEREDNESS

If you are in the middle of a trigger

Or are having an emotionally charged

Response to something

This is not the moment to grab 

Your pen and journal

And start trying to dig deeper

The first step in the midst of 

Any strong emotion

Is to (re)find your center

If you’re in the middle of an interaction

That feels heated, or feels like it could 

quickly escalate

Step away if possible

Take a walk

Get some fresh air

Take a few deep breaths

If you feel super triggered

Try noticing the various objects

Around you, and start naming them

Out loud

If you’re outside, do the same

With the trees, flowers, plants, the sky

Point being, that we cannot engage

In the deeper work until we can reclaim

Our emotional center

Once you feel like you can  

See straight again

Move onto the next step 

GETTING COMFORTABLE

Find a quiet place

Where you will not be interrupted

Grab a blanket, some pillows

A cup of tea or whatever

Your favorite beverage is

Get comfortable with a pen, journal

Or a few pieces of paper

I’m including this piece

Because doing shadow work

Is challenging enough as it is

And because learning to cultivate

Both quiet moments and comfortable spaces

For ourselves is, in and of itself, also an act

Of Self Love

WRITE & RECORD

Be willing to be honest

With yourself

Remember that our refusal 

To acknowledge the parts of 

Ourselves that we deem unworthy

Ugly or unacceptable 

Don’t just go away on their own

We need to acknowledge them

And actually befriend them

When we do so, they learn to trust us

They become willing to tell us

Where we still hurt

Where we still carry pain

And where we still have healing

We get to do

But if we shame these aspects of Self

They stay away, in hiding, and we never

Benefit from all the wisdom they have for us

So, having said that

Here are some questions 

To journal on to get you started:

What are my strong reactions usually about?

Are there any themes I can see?

Are there certain people, or qualities, that usually upset me?

Are there certain traits I find unacceptable in others?

What emotions tend to come up for me?

Is it sadness, anger, lust, jealousy, rage or some other emotion?

What do I consider my positive qualities?

What are the OPPOSITE of these qualities?

This last question is SUPER important

Why!?

Because every quality has it’s opposite

For example, if I consider myself

An honest person 

And ‘lying’ really triggers me

It means I probably don’t fully own 

The part of myself that’s capable of being 

Less than 100% truthful at times

Another example would be

If I consider myself a disciplined person

It might be that I don’t own the part of myself

That has the capacity for rest 

Important Note:

Notice that the shadow opposite 

Of discipline 

Is laziness

BUT.. 

Like everything else

Even the shadow side of laziness

Carries its opposite as well

In this case, it’s the ability to rest and relax

So the question here would be

Where am I still denying myself 

The permission to take a break?

Shadow Work is super complex
And it’s not something that you are 

Ever going to be fully “done” with

It’s an ongoing unfolding

But the idea is to become

Familiar enough with your triggers 

That they no longer rule your life

Just below the level of your awareness

— aka consciousness

Joy is your natural state

It’s time for you to remember 

To our collective growth,
Tara x

If you have questions please reply by email.

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CREATING FASTER

CREATING FASTER: THE MINDSET OF SUCCESS

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It’s time to dig deep

Into the world we actually

WANT to create 

It’s time to take 

The reality that “IS”

And replace it with 

The reality that we desire 

In order to do this

We must be willing

To become experts 

On Self

We must become willing 

To practice

The art of discernment

The discernment to know

Where we are — within every 

aspect of our lives —

And the willingness

To act on that discernment 

After all

Most everything 

In life

Involves paradox

Balance

And the ability

To move within 

Various shades of grey

You have to know

When it’s not only Ok

But necessary

To look at the evil 

In the world

And you have to know

How long to look at it for

You have to remember

— should you choose 

to be the true creator that

you came here to be —

That the things we don’t like

The things that hurt our hearts

Are there so that we can choose

More decisively 

What we DO want instead

This reality is about contrast

But what you do with that contrast

Is - and will always be - entirely up to you

You have to know

Which relationships 

And people

Are worth fighting for
And which are worth

Walking away from

Nobody outside of you

Will ever be able to give you

The answers to these questions 

Or be able to tell you

What your life purpose is

YOU and only you must be willing

To turn within, to fully and 

Completely lean into your 

Own pain and suffering

And to trust that it was

Not put on your heart in vein

You must CHOOSE to step 

Into your own power

And yes this is simply a choice

A choice that only you can make

You cannot be a victim of circumstance

And a creator of your reality at the same time

But once you do choose

Once you decide

The Universe will also

Step in and fully support you

Suggestions For Increased Clarity:

1. Fasting

Look into a physical cleanse

Or detox of some kind

These aren’t hard to find

And don’t have to be complicated

Even juice or fruit fasting 

Is a great — and not terribly 

painful — way to reset your system

And since so much of our 

Reality is experienced through 

This body

It’s best to tend to your vessel

And love on it

As much as you can

Like anything else

It’s a practice 

And like anything else

You’ll enjoy it more

And get better results

If you can hold it lightly

Not beat yourself up for

Not being ‘perfect’

And release the habit 

Of comparing yourself

To other people

1. Journal 

Take some time every day

To write about the life

And the world

You would love to see

Write using all your senses

Write about how it feels

To be this next version of you

Living the life of your dreams

Write about where you live

What you do for a living

The gifts that you choose to share

With the world

How you spend your time 

And so forth

Do your best to write freely

And without the constraints 

Of our outdated human programming

Which loves to tell us what is 

And isn’t “possible”

I promise you

It’s all possible

But you have to see it first

1. Environment

Take a really good look

At the people you hang around

And the activities you spend 

Your time on

As you already know

We are the average 

Of the five people
We spend the most time with

So spend your time wisely

Be willing to cut out

— or r at least cut back — 

On activities that truly 

Don’t serve you or the life
You wrote about above 

This reality requires 

Aligned thoughts AND actions

Aligned actions that match

The energy and frequency 

Of our dreams

That is the only way

For them to materialize 

And materialize they will

But you have to be willing

To Focus 

In order to bring them about

Joy is your natural state

It’s time for you to remember 

To our collective growth,

Tara x

If you have questions please reply by email.

EXPLORE THE BLOG:

EARTH

RELATIONSHIPS

MINDSET

HEART

VOICE

COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS

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CONNECT: