5 TELL TALE SIGNS OF THE COVERT NARCISSIST
The covert narcissist
Won’t be as easy to spot
As their more extraverted
Counterparts
But the damage they do
Will be all the same
How To Know If You’re Dealing With This Kind Of Person
First off, it’s important
To keep in mind
That the covert narcissist
Is fundamentally the same
As the more flamboyant “obvious”
Type of narcissist
Especially in the following 2 ways:
They fundamentally lack
A healthy sense of Self
AKA they have a highly
Vulnerable inner world
Their primary motivation in relationship
Is about what they can “get”
From the other person
Instead of what they contribute
Whether they’re aware
Of this dynamic or not
Sign #1 A Subtle (Or Not-So-Subtle) Smugness
An extraverted narcissist
Will more than likely
Be openly self-congratulatory
And speak highly of him or herself
A covert type, on the other hand
Is more likely
To be self-deprecating
Or to put themselves down
With the expectation that others
— and this is KEY —
Will come to their “rescue”
Or praise them
And tell them how great they are
Essentially you can look at this
As a false sense of humility
Sign #2 Self-Absorption And A Lack Of True Empathy
Narcissists in general
Are not able to validate
The concerns of others
But with a covert narcissist
This will be harder to spot
Because they won’t necessarily
Be rude, overtly abuse, or even obviously
Dismissive
However, they will have
A high tendency
To be more quiet, withdrawn
And generally keep to themselves
Consequently, if you are in a close
Relationship with this type of person
You will often feel alone, unworthy
And unimportant to them
While that will not be the case
With other people in your life
Sign #3 Immature And Inadequate Responses
All narcissistic people
Have a tough time with feedback
No matter how constructive
The feedback may be
Or how nicely it’s delivered
But instead of ranting or shouting
In disapproval
The covert type is more likely
To try and cover up how they feel
Although their body language
Will usually give them away
The covert narcissist is also
Likely to minimize your wants
Labeling them as “unimportant”
Or “boring” as a way to avoid
Taking any responsibility
Or having to change their behavior
They are also very good
At over-simplifying the needs of others
Typically have a tough time with details
Facts, and even logic — although they consider themselves to be quite logical —
Simply because they don’t want
To invest energy into things that
Don’t fit their agenda
As a side note:
It’s important to keep in mind
That this applies to relationships
Where there is a spoken or unspoken
Agreement that two people are going
To make each other a priority
Someone that doesn’t want to spend
Time with you or cater to your needs
Isn’t automatically a narcissist
Similarly, if we are interested in someone
And they don’t feel the same about us
This does not make them a narcissist
So it’s important to look at this information
In the context of the “agreement” you
And this person have in place
Sign #4 They Feel Misunderstood
This one doesn’t require
A whole lot of explanation
Basically this signifies a sense
Of importance, or of being “different”
Or “ahead of their time”
So much so
That the majority of people
Cannot relate to them
But in truth, this is just another
Cover-up for the fact that people
With these personality traits
Have a truly difficult time
Making genuine connections
With others
Especailly connections
And relationships that require
Intimacy
Because intimacy requires
Vulnerability
And this is highly threatening
To the fragile sense of Self
That the narcissist has
Sign #5 Passive-Agressiveness
This might be one of the hardest
Parts of being in a relationship
With this kind of person
Passive aggressive behavior
Is characterized by being resistant
To the requests of others
But doing so in a passive way
So, for example
Instead of directly saying
That they don’t want to do something
This kind of person might agree
But then back out or change their mind
If this happens once in a while
It obviously isn’t a major issue
And if the person can take responsibility
For their actions, they probably aren’t
A covert narcissist
But if someone does this repeatedly
And then shrugs it off as “no big deal”
That is definitely a sign to be aware of
And lastly, covert narcissists
Have a super tough time with
Direct dialogue or confrontation
Making resolution of disagreements
Next to impossible
Next week I will go into
Steps you can take if you find yourself
With this kind of person
But the first step in any process of change
Is to identify the problem
And make a conscious decision
That you are willing to do the inner work
That it will take in order to change it
Joy in your natural state
It’s time for you to remember
To our collective growth,
Tara x
