To My Shadow Workers

Photo Credit: @pilupepper on Instagram

First off, I love you all. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother.

Dairy — An Industry Built On Exploitation, Lies and Hidden Addictions

We humans are quite silly. In a kind of tragic way, to be honest.

We go on about peace while paying for the worst acts of violence. Like separating a mother and her baby.

Obviously that makes no sense.

And then we act helpless, as though we’re not creating the world by virtue of our collective behaviors. Why do we do this?

For those who don’t know, cows cannot produce milk without getting pregnant. Yep. Just like humans.

And contrary to what the idyllic images of cows strolling merrily along the fields would have you believe, they are not just naturally getting pregnant or breeding on their own.

This is actually a 180° inversion of the truth. Like most things.

In reality, they are held in what the industry itself calls ‘rape racks’ — can’t make this stuff up.

Yes. That’s how they get pregnant.

Then, not only are their babies taken away from them so that humans can drink the ‘milk’ intended for their newborn — because you know cheese.

But these mothers are in fact physically violated over and over again in a continuous nightmare that constitutes their life.

Just to give you an idea of the level of exploitation and exhaustion they go through, what would naturally be a 20-25 year lifespan, won’t be more than 4-5 years. At which point she will be sent to slaughter.

Because coconut creamer for your coffee is too much to ask.

All the daughters she gives birth to will live the same fate as her. Her sons will have it a bit better, as they will be kept in tiny crates so their muscles can’t fully develop. Then slaughtered while still babies.

So people can eat ‘veal’ (tender meat caused by immobility) but at least they will have the good fortune of having a much shorter life.

Perhaps it’s time to be more honest about our true values. And stop shouting about things that we’re not actually willing to change.

To our collective growth,

Tara x

If you have questions please reply by email.

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COVERT ABUSE

STEPS TO RECOVERY

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This is part 2 of a 2 part series

On covert abuse


In this blog, I will cover 
The 5 essential pieces 
To any lasting program of recovery


So that you not only heal
From your past/current relationship
But go deep enough into your healing
That you effectively rewire your brain
And never find yourself in a situation like this again


TIME


Perhaps the most important thing
You will need to accept about this process
Of recovery from covert narcissistic abuse
Is that it will take time


I wish I could tell you 
That there are shortcuts 

But truly, the steps outlined here 

Are the only shortcuts I know of


After 17 years in the field
Of mental health
As well as my own personal 
Experiences with this kind of abuse
The work really IS the only shortcut


ROMANCE


I would highly recommend you not
Get involved with anyone romantically
For a minimum of a year
After ENDING any sort
Of abusive relationship


Abuse of any kind
But especially the covert tactics 
Of this type of narcissistic person 
Will literally leave your world 
And your sense of Self 
In fragments


It is all too easy to displace and project our pain
And our past trauma onto another person


That’s true for ANY kind of pain or trauma, 
Even ‘normal’ heartbreak’


But the difference for someone
Who has experienced this kind of abuse
Is the degree of fragmentation you will be in


Those of you who know what I’m talking about
Will feel the truth of these words


No further explanation needed


TRUST


I’m going to say something 
Which may seem harsh
Even ‘unrealistic’ 
But if you have anyone in your circle
Who doesn’t believe what you’ve been through
Or tries to insinuate that the abuse was your fault in any way
Please do yourself a favor and STOP engaging with them
At least regarding anything personal


It’s psychologically dangerous territory 
When we are in a world of pain
And someone looks at us 
— at our pain —
And tries to tell us that
It’s not that bad


Don’t waste your time trying to make 
Anyone “get it” either
Because that energy could be
Much better spend elsewhere 
On your healing journey 


And if friends and family ask what’s up with you
Or try to get you to hang out but you really don’t want to
Believe me when I tell you that you have no obligation to anyone 
— unless you have children of course


But when it comes to adult family members and friends 
You don’t owe anyone anything
And the fact that you may feel like you do
Is just part of a no-longer-useful program
Of guilt and shame still running in your belief system
And in your energetic field


You can simply let them know that 
You’re dealing with some things right now
Or that you’re busy with a project 
— after all, self-healing is a project —
That you appreciate their love and concern 
And will reach out to them when you’re ready


But make no promises on when that will be
Because that will just end up being another source of stress
And that’s the last thing you need while on your healing journey 


In fact, the idea is to let go of anything and everything
That you can afford to let go of — I realize it may not be 
possible to let go of your job for example, even if it’s stressful —
But other voluntary relationships that bring you stress
Can be left alone, at least for the time being


CONNECTION


This might have you wondering
If you will be all alone in your healing journey


And of course the answer is no
We ALL need at least one or two people 
In our lives who offer us a sense of connection and support


But you want to start thinking outside the box
About what that might look like


For example, joining an online group
Or finding literature
That really resonates with you


Research the importance of “inner child work”
If you’re not already familiar with the topic


And of course finding a therapist that you 
Can work with 1:1 is probably the best thing you can do
To accelerate your healing process 


If that’s financially not an option right now
There are lots of online programs available these days
That actually allow you to chat with a licensed therapist
Most of these are via messaging only
Which is the reason for the reduced cost


A few notes on the above options:


If you do join an online support group
Please pay extra careful attention
To how the dialogue
And the overall 
Level of conversation and energy
In the group make you feel


Also be sure that the group has 
Someone actively monitoring its members


Reason being that sometimes support groups 
— especially when left totally unattended
Can end up re-traumatizing people  


There will almost always be
At least some members who are highly identified
With their abuse and are stuck
In a loop of victimization, with no real conscious desire
To get out


These are not the people you want to be around


Of course we need to talk about our experiences
But there’s a helpful and unhelpful way to do this


Again, if you find yourself feeling worse in the hours
Or days following a support group session
That might be a clue that it’s not 
The right place for you


If you decide to invest in 1:1 therapy 
Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist questions 
Don’t be afraid to shop around for someone 
Who feels right to you


Ask if they offer a free consultation 
Ask what their experience has been
Helping people work through the experience
Of covert narcissistic abuse


Pay attention to how you feel as they’re talking
The only sensation you should have 
Is one of comfort, ease, and relief

If you feel anything else
Please keep looking


There are definitely good therapists out there
Who can really help you

So don’t be afraid to look until you find one


Sidenote: I know all this can feel like a lot
Remember that none of this needs to happen overnight
These are just pieces of a longer-term plan
But the sooner you decide that you’re willing to take them
The sooner you will begin to feel like progress is possible


GROUND


The importance of this 
Cannot be overstated 
Look up “breathing techniques for calming
the mind”
Find a meditation app that you like
And give yourself the gift of time
To just be, to take walks alone,
To scream, to cry


To do whatever it takes 
To allow the emotions to move through you
Because that’s what they need to do


There is no recovery without FEELING 
The pain of what we have endured
It’s not pleasant, but it’s necessary


And if anyone tells you that you 
Can bypass this process
They are either lying to you
Or have never been there
So have no idea what they’re talking about


And that’s ok
As long as you make sure 
That’s not who you’re listening to


JOURNAL


And by journal 
I simply mean
Be willing to write down 
How you’re feeling


Be willing to write down
Memories as they come up


Be willing to write
When you feel angry
When you feel sad 
And even when you feel hopeless


These are all within 
The normal range of emotions

And the more you ALLOW them 
To surface and pass through you


The more they will begin to dissolve out
And, over time, the lighter you will begin to feel


Lastly, when it comes to trauma
One of the best kept secrets is that
Our Bodies know EXACTLY how to heal


Our Bodies are highly intricate 
Systems of infinite intelligence


Society has taught us not to trust our bodies
But through daily meditation, time alone
Silence, stretching and allowing ourselves
To be the emotional beings we are


We can learn to trust
Our Bodies once more
Or maybe for the first time ever


Healing isn’t an easy process
But there isn’t anything more worth doing


Know that you are 
Fully capable
Fully ready
And fully deserving
Of the same


Joy is your natural state
It’s time for you to remember 


To our collective growth,
Tara x

If you have questions please reply by email.

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BOUNDARY-CROSSERS

5 TELL TALE SIGNS OF THE COVERT NARCISSIST

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The covert narcissist

Won’t be as easy to spot

As their more extraverted
Counterparts

But the damage they do

Will be all the same

How To Know If You’re Dealing With This Kind Of Person

First off, it’s important

To keep in mind 

That the covert narcissist 

Is fundamentally the same

As the more flamboyant “obvious”

Type of narcissist

Especially in the following 2 ways:

They fundamentally lack

A healthy sense of Self

AKA they have a highly 

Vulnerable inner world

Their primary motivation in relationship 

Is about what they can “get” 

From the other person 

Instead of what they contribute

Whether they’re aware

Of this dynamic or not

Sign #1 A Subtle (Or Not-So-Subtle) Smugness

An extraverted narcissist

Will more than likely

Be openly self-congratulatory

And speak highly of him or herself 

A covert type, on the other hand

Is more likely 

To be self-deprecating

Or to put themselves down

With the expectation that others

— and this is KEY —

Will come to their “rescue”

Or praise them

And tell them how great they are

Essentially you can look at this

As a false sense of humility 

Sign #2 Self-Absorption And A Lack Of True Empathy 

Narcissists in general

Are not able to validate 

The concerns of others 

But with a covert narcissist 

This will be harder to spot

Because they won’t necessarily 

Be rude, overtly abuse, or even obviously

Dismissive

However, they will have

A high tendency

To be more quiet, withdrawn

And generally keep to themselves

Consequently, if you are in a close 

Relationship with this type of person

You will often feel alone, unworthy

And unimportant to them

While that will not be the case

With other people in your life 

Sign #3 Immature And Inadequate Responses 

All narcissistic people

Have a tough time with feedback

No matter how constructive

The feedback may be

Or how nicely it’s delivered

But instead of ranting or shouting

In disapproval 

The covert type is more likely

To try and cover up how they feel

Although their body language 

Will usually give them away

The covert narcissist is also

Likely to minimize your wants

Labeling them as “unimportant”

Or “boring” as a way to avoid

Taking any responsibility 

Or having to change their behavior 

They are also very good

At over-simplifying the needs of others

Typically have a tough time with details

Facts, and even logic — although they consider themselves to be quite logical —

Simply because they don’t want 

To invest energy into things that

Don’t fit their agenda 

As a side note:

It’s important to keep in mind

That this applies to relationships

Where there is a spoken or unspoken 

Agreement that two people are going

To make each other a priority

Someone that doesn’t want to spend

Time with you or cater to your needs

Isn’t automatically a narcissist 

Similarly, if we are interested in someone

And they don’t feel the same about us

This does not make them a narcissist

So it’s important to look at this information

In the context of the “agreement” you 

And this person have in place

Sign #4 They Feel Misunderstood

This one doesn’t require 

A whole lot of explanation

Basically this signifies a sense 

Of importance, or of being “different”

Or “ahead of their time”

So much so 

That the majority of people

Cannot relate to them

But in truth, this is just another

Cover-up for the fact that people

With these personality traits 

Have a truly difficult time

Making genuine connections

With others 

Especailly connections 

And relationships that require 

Intimacy

Because intimacy requires 

Vulnerability 

And this is highly threatening 

To the fragile sense of Self

That the narcissist has

Sign #5 Passive-Agressiveness

This might be one of the hardest

Parts of being in a relationship

With this kind of person

Passive aggressive behavior 

Is characterized by being resistant

To the requests of others

But doing so in a passive way

So, for example

Instead of directly saying
That they don’t want to do something

This kind of person might agree

But then back out or change their mind

If this happens once in a while

It obviously isn’t a major issue

And if the person can take responsibility 

For their actions, they probably aren’t 

A covert narcissist 

But if someone does this repeatedly

And then shrugs it off as “no big deal” 

That is definitely a sign to be aware of

And lastly, covert narcissists 

Have a super tough time with 

Direct dialogue or confrontation

Making resolution of disagreements 

Next to impossible

Next week I will go into 

Steps you can take if you find yourself

With this kind of person

But the first step in any process of change

Is to identify the problem

And make a conscious decision

That you are willing to do the inner work

That it will take in order to change it

Joy in your natural state

It’s time for you to remember 

To our collective growth,

Tara x 

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Black Lives

Why they matter and why being silent is also ok

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Photo Credit: @bobbysud on Instagram

Dear Friend,
 

So I’ve been thinking

Long and hard 

About whether or not

To speak on this

And about the push back

I might get

From various groups

And people

But to honor my path

And my personal agreement

With God

Which is to always act

In alignment with the highest version

Of myself

— even when it’s uncomfortable —

I feel the need to speak on it

Actually

There are two things

I really feel the need

To address

This week

Especially in light of

Everything that’s going on

In the world at the moment

The first:

Whether or not it’s ok

To stay silent right now

And the second: 

Whether the phrase All Lives Matter

Is an acceptable response

To the phrase Black Lives Matter 

As I break down my thoughts 

On each of these 

It may seem like 

I’m on two different sides

Of the issue

And that’s part of why

I was initially hesitant

To speak on it

So all I ask

Is that you hear me out

Before drawing your conclusions 

So the first issue:

Do I feel it’s ok to stay silent right now?

Yes — not only do I feel it’s ok

But in some cases, I would actually prefer

People stay silent

Specifically I’m referring to people

Who are not — for one reason or other —

Speaking out 

About the murder

Of George Floyd

As someone who works 1:1 

With some of the biggest

Influencers, athletes

And thought leaders

In the world

I can tell you for certain 

That silence is not always

A sign of apathy

In fact, I’ve been having

Some of the most difficult

And meaningful conversations 

Of my life this past week

Some people — both black

and white — aren’t ready 

To come out and speak about 

What’s happening yet

Because they’re still processing

Their feelings

Others feel like they need

To stay silent and LISTEN

So they can fully appreciate 

What’s going on

And THEN speak out

And that’s a distinction I feel

It’s important to make 

Everyone’s timeline is different

Personally, I would much rather 

People actually be IN 

Their authentic feelings

Truly listening to others 

With an open mind and heart

I would much rather people LISTEN

While going through an authentic process

Of deep awakening & internal change

Than to jump on social media and speak

Just for the sake of speaking

Or, even worse, to say something 

That isn’t really heartfelt 

We can all see through it

When someone is just giving lip service

To a certain issue 

But doesn’t really FEEL 

The emotional resonance 

Of their own words

I don’t know about you

But to me it’s clear as day

When someone is simply speaking

Out of fear or a sense of obligation 

And quite honestly

It’s painful to listen to 

I think it’s also worth saying

Some people don’t know 

WHAT they feel

And if they do know

They don’t know HOW 

To actually speak on it

Or maybe they’re just not ready to 

Which makes all the people online

Telling people that they have to speak up

That they’re being put “on notice” if they don’t

Similar to the people trying to tell everyone

The “right way” to protest

Fundamentally

It’s all a form of bullying

And it’s a problem

No matter who’s doing it

Ok - now onto the second issue:

Is it ok to say All Lives Matter

When someone says Black Lives Matter

In my opinion

Absolutely not

It’s not only not ok

But it’s hugely dismissive, minimizing

And — I don’t love to use this word — 

Ignorant 

I especially wanna say this 

To my beloved vegan community

Because I know many of you

Personally

And I know most of you

Would never intentionally

Minimize the pain of any group 

But please know that 

When you say all lives matter

You are acting no better 

Than that person in your comments section

Shouting things like “don’t you care about people”

When you try to bring to their attention 

The issue of animal suffering

Cruelty and slaughter 

Point being, pain must be witnessed

And fully acknowledged 

Before it can be healed 

Lastly

It’s important to remember

That when someone says 

Black Lives Matter

They’re not actually 

Taking anything away 

From you

Or from any other cause 

Or movement for that matter

On the contrary

When we respond with 

All Lives Matter 

We ARE attempting 

— however unconsciously — 

to overlook and bypass 

Legitimate pain and suffering

And very legitimate rage

Not to be confused with violence 

Violence is an action

Whereas anger

Is an emotional response

And even though

Anger makes people uncomfortable 

It’s not the same as violence

And when it is actually accepted

Without judgment 

And without 

The need

To water it down

The anger serves 

A very important

And very necessary

Purpose

Just as our anger 

In the vegan community

Mobilizes action

So it is

In any community

Let’s not forget that 

Oppression anywhere

Is oppression everywhere

Joy is our natural state

It’s time for us to remember

To our collective growth, 

Tara x

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BAD BOYS

How Bad Behavior Translates in a Relationship

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The way a man

Treats a perfect stranger

Should matter to you

And it should matter a lot

I know a lot of women

Don’t wanna believe it

I know a lot of women
Are enamored with bad boys

— this applies to men being

enamored with bad(ass) women

as well, but we’re gonna focus

on the men in this post — 

The reason for this

Is that “bad” people

Appear confident on the surface

And confidence is very attractive

But if that so-called confidence

Spills into a condescending tone

With that Lyft driver

Or turns into 

Casually rude behavior

With hotel staff

Or frequent complaints

About his ‘negative’ experiences

In the world at large

I would HIGHLY recommend

You sit up — and stay sitting up —

And take notice

Because the way a man

Treats other people

Is the way he will 

Eventually

Treat you

Yes it will be just as bad

If not worse

Why worse?

Because you will be

Emotionally entangled

With him

And him

With you

So if he can treat a perfect stranger

So disrespectfully — someone who presumably

hasn’t done anything wrong to him, except 

maybe fail to provide him with the level 

of customer service which he not 

only appreciates, but actually 

feels entitled to —

Then what do you think he might be like

With someone he perceives

Has actually wronged him?!

If he is so easily thrown off

His emotional center

Simply because his meal

Wasn’t served hot enough

How forgiving and compassionate

Do you think he will be

With you 

When you inevitably

Do something

That upsets him

And I’m not referring to

Any major betrayal

It could be something as simple

As not picking up the dry cleaning

That’s how “bad” men 

And women

Are

So what can you do?

Have the willingness 

To pay very close attention

To how you feel in this person‘s presence

Especially when he’s interacting

With other people

If it makes you uncomfortable

There’s a reason

And there’s truly no need

To set yourself up

For unnecessary pain

No level of physical attraction

Is going to make up 

For this kind of issue

In your relationship

There are plenty

Of confident men and women

In the world

Who you will be

Just as attracted to

And if you only find yourself

Attracted to these kind of people

That’s a separate issue

Bu one worth looking at

I’m speaking as someone

Who’s lived it

It doesn’t matter

How nicely that person

Is treating you right now

It doesn’t matter

How far into the relationship

You are

t doesn’t matter

If they have managed

To make you believe

That you are different

It doesn’t matter

What your mind

Is currently telling you

You have to take

A person’s total behavior

Into consideration

And lastly

If you have tricked yourself

Into believing that this person

Simply has high standards

— because after all, there’s no reason 

to accept bad service, or eat a meal 

that isn’t up to par, right? — just consider this: 

Not only is it possible

To have high standards

Without treating people badly

But people with TRULY high standards

Also have standards for themselves

And for their own behavior as well

Not just the behavior of others

If someone is willing

To be rude or disrespectful to anyone

There is no reason under the sun

To believe that behavior won’t one day turn on you

To our collective growth,

Tara x

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Knowing Yourself

How to dig deeper on your emotions

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So here’s the thing

The ACTUAL thing

That’s holding you back

From creating the life

And the impact 

You really desire

The thing is

You’re still watering down

Who you really are

What you REALLY feel

What you actually believe

And the message

You were truly born

To share with the world

And that is both

A good and bad thing

Of course it’s not actually 

A bad thing

But it probably does pose

A bit of a challenge 

Reason being

That almost all people

— to one degree or another — 

Are afraid to be ALL OF

Who they really are

And the main reason 

For that

Is because 

Most people

Care more about

What other people

Think about them

Than what they actually think

About themselves

So the challenge 

Then becomes

How to care LESS 

About the opinion of others

And MORE about the opinion 

Of Yourself 

And the only way to do this

Is to actually get to know yourself 

On a deeper level

One of the best ways 

To do this

Is to keep a journal

And take notes

On how you feel

Throughout your day

Specifically

You’ll want to pay attention

To the relationship between 

Any strong emotions that come up

And the events, people, and situations

That trigger those emotions

An example of how to do this:

Let’s say

I walk into the house

My partner is working on something

And — because he’s so into

whatever he’s working on —

He doesn’t say hello to me

Right away

His delay

Triggers 

A feeling of anger

In me

But when I dig deeper

The anger is really a mask

Covering up the fact that I’m hurt

Maybe I feel unappreciated

Or unimportant

Perhaps I had some exciting 

News to share

Making my partner’s 

Seeming indifference 

Even more frustrating

But let’s say my anger/hurt

Doesn’t go away 

When he actually stops what he’s doing

And comes over to say hello to me

Let’s take it one step further

And say that I actually tell him

How it made me feel when he didn’t 

Acknowledge me right away

Let’s say he actually apologizes

And is totally sincere in his apology

But I can feel the hurt

Still swirling around

Inside me

Then I dig a little deeper

And realize that the reason 

I still feel hurt

Is because this incident

Triggered a childhood memory

Of how I often felt unacknowledged

By the people/adults around me

This is just one example 

How how to dig deeper 

On your own emotional process 

And it’s critical to do so

Because the path to self-love

Comes through self-knowledge 

Until you get to know yourself

More deeply

You will be tempted 

To blame others

And to externalize

Your emotions 

Onto them

But your emotions

Always belong to you

Even when they are triggered

By others

And then of course the good news

Is that once you get to know yourself

And love yourself for ALL OF 

Who you are

It will become

Much less important

To you

What others think

And from that place

You will be able 

To create true magic

In the world

By being all of who

You came here to be

Joy is your natural state

It’s time for you to remember

To our collective growth,

Tara 

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EVOLVING TOGETHER

Vegan is the moral baseline, not the final frontier

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Photo Credit: @bobbysud on Instagram

I’m prepared 

To lose a few subscribers

On this one

Although I hope not to

In fact, I hope those of you

Who are the most active

In the vegan community

Might be willing

To give this some thought

And let me know

What you come up with

Believe me when I say

That this is a long ways

From how I used to feel

Just a few years ago

That’s not to say

That how I feel now

Is any better or worse

This is just my current perspective

And I'm sharing it

In hopes

That it will add to yours

First, let me just say 

That the work vegan activists do

Is far from easy

And I don’t just mean

The 'external' work of activism

I mean the internal, emotional work

There is much trauma

In our community

And for very good reason

The suffering that animals

On this planet endure

At the hands of humans

Is truly beyond

The realm of comprehension

And I’d like each

And every one of you

To know

That your pain

Is a sign of your humanity

It’s not something

To try and hide

On the contrary

The ability to feel deeply

Is a beautiful thing

And as vegans

Isn’t that what we want? 

For other people to feel more deeply? 

To feel for those

Who don’t walk or talk

Or look like them?

To finally make the (vegan) connection? 

I know for myself

It’s that disconnect

In the world

That sometimes 

Breaks me down

And yes

At times

Still fills me with rage

But to take that pain

And turn it into a weapon

To use on other people 

Or social media

As a place 

To take and essentially dump

All our pain and trauma

Doesn't necessarily serve
The animals

And I don't believe

It serves us either

Shame does not open people up

To compassion

The energy of anger

— if not properly harnessed — 

Can cause more pain

And disconnection

Than it cures

And — whether it’s intentional

or not — 

Inducing repeat-trauma

In people

Is not our path

To a better world

The way I see it

The most direct path

To a more compassionate world

"out there"

Is for us to embody

The compassion

We want to see in others

"in here"

In all that we do

In all that we share

In all that we speak

Yes, it’s very challenging at times

But isn’t that the work?

Isn't our job

To keep improving

And evolving

As Souls in a human body?

Do I believe that being vegan

Is a part of that evolution?

Yes - I absolutely do

But I think 

It's just as important

For us to remember

That we ALL came here

To do our personal work

Being vegan

Doesn’t exempt us

From this process

If we’re doing it for the animals

Then we need to do what is effective

If we’re doing it for the animals

Then we need to keep in mind

That others are not less than us

And that — karmically speaking —

The corrections are alway made

Whether in this life 

Or the next

However imperfect we may all be

We are still fellow earthlings

And ultimately

We are here

To walk each other 

Back home

To our collective growth,

Tara x

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EFFECTIVE APOLOGIES

OLD WAYS WON’T WORK

---

So you messed up

In your relationship

And now

You have to undertake

The daunting task

Of making it right

There are exceptions

To what I'm about to say —

such as in the case

of minor infractions — 

But if you messed up big time

You’ve probably already figured out 

That simply saying you're sorry

Isn't going to work

If you find that a simple 

“I’m sorry” 

Does the trick

Then by all means 

Say you’re sorry

And move on 

The problem 

I wanna address today

Is what to do

When a simple 

I'm sorry 

Doesn’t cut it

Maybe because

The betrayal 

Was too big

Or maybe because

You’ve messed up

Too many times

In the past 

In either case

Repair IS possible 

But first 

You have to accept

A few key things 

OLD WAYS WON’T WORK

If you've really messed up

In a major way — or even

in a minor way but 

have done so repeatedly — 

Then it should be 

Quite understandable 

That your parter 

Probably isn’t 

In a very forgiving mood

SIDE NOTE: 

I’ll be using 

Specific gender pronouns

For the rest of this post

But please know

That these issues exist

In ALL relationship dynamics

So this is where I see

Most men — again this applies

to women as well — 

Get in trouble

How sorry am I, really?  

This last point

Can’t be overstated

Here's why: 

When you screw up 

In a relationship

Your apology 

Must be sincere 

And it must be 

Because of what you DID

Not just because

Your partner is mad

At you

And it must be

Totally and completely unwavering

What does this mean?

It means that if you say

“I’m sorry”

But your partner 

Doesn’t’ forgive you

Within the first 30 seconds

Of your apology

And you then get irritated

Or annoyed

Consider this 

A HUGE sign

To proceed

WIth caution 

Not only 

Will your partner

Most likely become 

Even more irritated

With your impatience

Meanwhile

Your irritation 

And impatience 

Is just digging you

Into an even deeper hole

Which will take

Even more work

To get out of

Your apology cannot

Be half-hearted

And it cannot be faked

Not even a little bit

Because if it is — if on ANY level

you are not truly sorry — 

I promise you

She will know

She’ll pick up on it

And she simply

Won't believe you

There’s no “hack” 

To this process

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: 

Your irritation is also a sign

Of where you still have work to do

No need to beat yourself up

But DO notice

Do become a good observer

Of your own emotions 

And learn to be honest

With yourself

Back to what I was saying

If you’re not truly sorry

Not only will she 

Not believe you

But she will feel betrayed

By your inability to be honest 

With yourself 

And perhaps even more betrayed

By your inability — or refusal —

To give her what you know

She really desires

WHAT S/HE REALLY NEEDS FROM YOU:

An authentic expression

Of the fact that you 

Actually feel bad 

For whatever it is you did

Or in some cases

What you didn’t do

But either way

An authentic expression

Is needed

A clear demonstration 

That you are not desperate 

To rush through the apology 

Or to rush through 

This phase

Of your relationship

For that matter

A phase which will probably 

Require time 

And patience 

To properly heal from

In short, she wants to know

That you “get it”

So before

You even consider

Approaching her

Ask yourself: 

Are you truly sorry? 

Are you willing

To go through 

The process 

Of her grief

With her?

Are you willing

To accept her need

So no

It's not about "blame"

But when you try 

To get away

With things 

You know full well

Are not acceptable 

To your partner

You both have some 

Soul Searching to do

My hope — for those 

of you who truly are sorry 

and just don’t know where to begin — 

Is that this will help shed some light

If your partner is hurting

They need your patience

They need you 

To help (re)create

An atmosphere of safety

Not to tell them 

How they need to hurry up

And forgive you

Just because you said 

The words

“I’m sorry”

They need to know

Why you feel

That things went down

The way they did

And what you will do

To make sure

Those circumstances

Never arise again

Pain cannot be rushed

And that’s why

Your apology can’t either

Joy is your natural state

It’s time for you to remember 

To our collective growth, 

Tara x

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Tough Love: Why You're Looping

You deserve more
So much more

---

You can do all the mindset work

Make all the vision boards

And attend all the seminars 

In the world

You can do 

Your daily yoga

Meditation

And breathwork

You can do 

All the acts of service 

Create gratitude lists

And pin affirmations

To every door 

Of your home

But until 

You’re actually willing

To give up the things 

That are making you sick

You will not experience

Any lasting peace

No amount of organic food

Or even being vegan 

— although eating plant-based WILL 

put you in a different category of people — 

Is going to fully remedy that

If you allow

Toxic emotions

People

Or habits

To infiltrate your life

And STAY there

You’re going to suffer

And this is not the kind of pain

That, one day, just eases up

On the contrary 

It increases

And it will ultimately rob you

Of the life that you could have

Otherwise lived

So you can either 

Let go 

Of WHO and WHAT

No longer serves you

Or 

You can let go

Of the silly notion 

That you will find happiness 

In the midst of dis-ease

You deserve more

So much more

But you have to believe it

Yes YOU have to believe it

But until then 

You can borrow 

My belief

In you

And yes

I do believe in you

Because not just anybody

Finds their way into this space

And not just anybody 

Takes the time 

To read a “tough love” post

All the way through 

The irony is

It will be a lot easier

For you

To believe in you

When you actually start 

Treating yourself right

By saying no thank you 

To that extra glass of alcohol

By saying no to eating foods

That you know full well 

Caused another Being to suffer

By saying no to conversations

That leave you feeling depleted

By saying yes 

To yourself

Yes to speaking your truth

Yes to saying “I hear you…” 

To that negative voice inside your head 

“…but you’re not in charge of my life anymore”

It’s easy 

To let go 

Of our ‘comfort’ zones

When we realize 

We’re not all that

Comfortable 

There anyway

Joy in your natural state

It’s time for you to remember 

To our collective growth,

Tara x

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GOING INWARD

You’re either observing Your reality 
Or you’re creating it

---

You’re either observing 

Your reality 

Or you’re creating it

But you’re absolutely

Never

Doing both

It’s fine to be aware

Of what’s going on

In the world

But 

If you give 

All your attention 

To it

Then not only

Are you not

Giving your attention

To your own life

But you’re also

Not changing

Anything 

About the world

Don’t get me wrong

To some extent

We do need to be aware

So on the face of it

There’s nothing wrong with that

But there’s

An even deeper truth

That I’ve learned

Which is that 

In order to change 

The world

We have to change 

Ourselves

This sounds easy

On the surface

But it’s not

Because in order 

To change ourselves

We have to work

From the inside out

And because

If you commit deeply

To this work

You will realize

That it never ends 

Which also means

If you committed deeply

To this work

You don’t have time

For distractions

I understand 

That this reality

Is very compelling

And I know

There are many

MANY 

Things

Not right

With this world

But that right there

Is actually

All the more

Reason

To commit

To the inner work

Because this is truly

The only way

To Shift 

To alchemize

To bend

And to alter 

The reality 

We perceive 

And experience 

So yes
Do acknowledge

What troubles you

About the world

But use your pain

Your anger

Your passion

To fuel your impact

To Expand 

Your heart 

Not to contract it

Joy is your natural state

It’s time for you to remember 

To our collective growth,

Tara x

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LOVELESS LOVE

Why Being Vegan is a Prerequisite for a Relationship

---

Photo Credit: @bobbysud on Instagram

Preface:
This message 
Is for you 
Whether you’re vegan 
Or not not
 
<3
 
Not everyone will agree
But to me
Being vegan
Is a prerequisite
For a partnership
 
There are actually
Lots of reasons
For this
But let me give you
My primary one
 
The main argument 
People make

For why being vegan
Shouldn’t matter 
In a romantic relationship 
Usually goes something 
Like this:
 
Two people 
Don’t have to have
The exact same beliefs
To be happy together
 
My aunt is Republican
My uncle is a Democrat
They’ve been happily married
For 35 years
 
A similar argument 
Is made
For people 
With different
Religious backgrounds  
 
And I’m sure these scenarios exist
But political and religious issues
Have nothing on Veganism
Because two people 
With different political
Or even religious views
May still have
Very  similar morals
 
In other words
The WAY they live their life
Their personal code of conduct
May be identical - or very close to it
Regardless of who they voted for
Or what God they pray to
 
This is totally not the case
When it comes to being vegan
 
Because not only is being vegan
A deep and fundamental belief 
That one species is not superior 
To another 
 
But identifying as vegan
Actually requires action/behavior
That is in alignment
With this fundamental belief
 
And the action that it requires
Unlike with a lot of other issues
Isn’t “gray” or open to interpretation
 
The parameters are clear
And the boundaries - therefore
Are impossible to miss
 
I’ve seen countless vegans
Try time and time again
To come together with someone
Who doesn’t share 
In their moral code
 
Not only that
But I’ve done it myself
 

And it has caused
Both them and myself
A ton of unnecessary suffering
 
<3
 
Now to circle back
To what I said
At the start


This message 
Is for anyone
Vegan or not
Who has ever
Tried to deny
The Truth
Of you who are
 
STOP IT 
 
Stop pretending 
Like you don’t know
What you want
What you need
What you desire
What you deserve
 
Stop pretending
Like you don’t know
What your Soul 
Is calling for
 
Stop pretending 
Like you don’t know
Who you are
And what matters to you
So damn deeply
 
That until you have it
EXACTLY 
The way you want it
 
You don’t want it
 
Joy is your natural state
It’s time for you to remember 
 
To our collective growth,
Tara x

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CONNECT:

REWIRING ABUSE

GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS

---

Hey guys

If you’ve been reading the blog

Over the last couple of weeks

You know that this is Part 3

Of my three part series on Narcissism 

(In case you missed it you can find part 1 and part 2 on my website)

Today I wanna share 

Just one specific exercise

That can help you 

Immensely 

On your healing journey

So long as you actually 

Sit down and do it

I can’t emphasize this enough 

This is NOT an intellectual process

Reading this post won’t do anything for you

Unless you actually do the exercise

Ok?!

Great :)

The purpose of this exercise 

Is to get you back in touch 

With your feelings

Because when you’ve suffered

From any sort of abuse

Connection to Self

Has often totally been abandoned

This will require you to be 

Persistent

Strong

Willing

Courageous

You CAN do this

You ARE capable

And you are absolutely 

Worthy 

And 

Enough

Don’t put this off

Not until tomorrow

Or after dinner

Or after you check your email

One more time

Go grab a pen and paper

Seriously

Stop reading 

And go get a pen and paper

You’ll thank me later

Because this is how we heal

One 

Step 

At a time

By actually doing the thing

By taking the action

We know we need to take

I know it feels hard

But staying where you are

Is harder

Deep down

You already know that

Alright

Glad I’ve convinced you

Step 1 - The Memory:

Reflect back on an interaction

Any interaction

You had with this person

That made you feel bad

Don’t overthink it

Just pick one

You can do this 

For multiple interactions

If you like

But we need to start with one

One SPECIFIC memory or interaction 

To work with right now

Step 2 - The Facts:

Write down the exact nature

Of the interaction

As in

What actually happened

Keep this part 

As objective 

As possible

For example:

I walked into the house
My partner asked me how my day was

And then walked out of the room

Right as I started to answer him

Or maybe he picked up his phone

Or started talking over you

Whatever it was 

Write it down

Then continue to write out

Exactly what happened

So just to continue 

With the same example 

Maybe you would go on 

To write the following

He didn’t say “hold on”

He didn’t offer an explanation

He just walked outta the room

It was almost as if

He hadn’t literally JUST asked

How my day was

And when he walked back in

And I asked him what just happened

He asked

If I was in “one of my moods” again

Or maybe he just rolled his eyes

Yes - this is a form of (covert) abuse

It’s meant to dismiss you

To dismiss your reality

To make you feel 

And often actually act

Crazy

Again

The above is just an example

To help illustrate what I mean

Step 3 - My Feelings:

Once you’ve written out

Exactly what happened

You can move onto the next step

Which is to write out

How it made you feel

This is a step that so many people

I’ve worked with over the years

Have a hard time with

Most people will go into a story

About what they THINK

Instead of how this interaction

Actually made them FEEL

I want you to know

That this is totally normal

But I also want you to understand 

That this is part of your programming

Which is to say

Being in an abusive relationship 

Has trained you 

To mistrust your own feelings 

If this has been going on long enough

Say for a number of years

Or maybe even decades

You will feel sufficiently disconnected

From the Truth of your own reality

To the point that this exercise 

Might be super challenging for you

The most important thing here

Is that you do not fall back

Into old patterns 

Or into a spiral of shame 

Do not use the fact 

That this is challenging 

As an excuse to throw your hands up

And say “it’s too hard”

NO!

It’s uncomfortable

Yes

But it’s not “too” hard

You are bigger than this

You can do this

Giving up on yourself

Is exactly what this person

Who has you under their control 

Wants you to do

So if coming up with feelings 

Is tough for you

My suggestion would be

Simply google “feeling words” 

And start working off that list

Print it out if you can

Or take a screenshot

So you can always 

Come back to it

There’s absolutely nothing wrong

With using all available resources

When you want to succeed 

At anything in Life

Healing from abuse is no different

As you work on Step 3

Notice any feelings that come up

Feelings that try and sabotage 

Your efforts to heal

Or thoughts that come up

Such as “this will never work” 

And so forth

Again

Just see them for what they are

Part of a program that’s been running

Probably for a very long time

And our job here 

Is to write over that program

These steps may seem simple

But I promise you

If you actually do them

Not in your mind

But by taking actual

PEN 

TO 

PAPER

You will start to feel relief

Lastly 

I want to know

If you’d be interested

In a more in-depth course 

On exactly what I did

All the steps I took

To overcome Narcissistic Abuse 

In my own life

If so 

send me an email

And let me know

Joy is your natural state

It’s time for you to remember

To our collective growth,

Tara x

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COMPASSION DEFICIT

Let THIS be that glimmer

---

Welcome back to our series on Narcissism

If you missed last week’s post

You can find it here

Before you go on

I was specifically guided to ask

That you read this post with an open heart

And to see this as a sign post

Spirit says

You have been asking 

For a way out of pain

God/Source/the universe always hears our requests

But whether we listen 

Will always be up to us

That is the nature of this human experience 

And the nature of our free will

If your heart is open

This can be the beginning 

Of a new life for you

It all begins with you

With the decision

With the clarity 

That you don’t want to suffer anymore

Keep in mind

That you don’t have to have all the answers 

You don’t have to know “how” it will all work

The truth is you can’t

And the good news is you don’t need to

All you need to know 

Is that the way things are right now

Is no longer working for you

And that you are ready 

To change direction 

Leaving any relationship 

Is uncomfortable

Often even scary

But leaving an abusive relationship 

Is like a nightmare collapsed on to itself

Casting out all but a glimmer of light

If you’re still reading this

TRUST

That there is a reason

Let THIS be that glimmer

It’s all you need 

To begin changing your life

7 Keys To Healing From Narcissistic Abuse:

1. DENIAL

Understand that your denial
Is a guaranteed path 

To your continued suffering

The trickiest aspect

Of dealing with any sort of abuse

Is the temptation to fall back asleep

By which I mean

The temptation to fall back into denial

So this first step

Is more an exercise in consciousness

It’s something you  may have to bring yourself back to

Time and time again

And that’s ok

Just know that the moment 

You start to have thoughts like

“Oh maybe it’s not that bad”

“Maybe he really gets it this time”

“This is the worst it will ever be”

“She promised she’d never do it again”

These thoughts 

Are signs

That you have fallen back asleep 

Back into the program

So you have to be willing 

To see this for what it is

A well-practiced defense mechanism

Which will keep you in hell 

Forever

If you let it

Become aware

Your denial cannot survive

The light of your awareness

2. JOURNAL

If it’s an option

I’d recommend you find a good therapist 

So you can begin to have someone 

Serve as a witness to your experience

If for whatever reason 

You can’t do that at this point in time

You can start to keep a journal

In fact

I would recommend doing this either way 

Any good therapist would do the same

Keep your journal somewhere safe

If that’s not an option

Write in shorthand 

Or keep notes on your phone

Assuming this person doesn’t have access to it

You may need to get creative

But however you do it

You need to start writing things down

Specifically 

You need to write down

Your interactions with this person

And how they made you feel

How they made YOU feel

Not how they told you to feel

Not what they said

Not what you said

But how the interaction 

Actually made you FEEL

This might be tough at first

Because you’ve been trained

Away from your feelings

You’ve been programmed

That your feelings are a lie

They’re not

Write them down

3. BLOCK

This should really go without saying

But you have to block, delete, remove

All trace of this person

For the time being

As far as you’re concerned 

This person does not exist

There will obviously be exceptions to this

Such as when you have children with this person

Or if you are financially dependent on this person

But to those of you who aren’t in either situation 

You need to block off all contact

I know that the thought alone 

May send you spiraling

But when you’re ready - aka once you have suffered enough

You will do it

Because you will understand

That your survival depends on it

This will only sound crazy 

To someone who doesn’t get it

Because they've never been there

Which brings me to my next point

4. COMPANY

Be ruthless about the company you keep

Always - but especially while healing 

Stay away from anyone

Who seems to minimize your situation

Or your pain

Most people won’t get it

This doesn’t make them bad people

But it DOES make them bad for you to be around

While you’re in this vulnerable place

Yes that means it might get lonely

It might mean many conversations

With God

With your journal 

With your Soul

But I promise you

There is light on the other side of this

5. DARKNESS

Speaking of light

There is absolutely no way

You’re gonna get through this 

Without pain

It hurts to let go of our illusions

And that’s what a lot of your pain will be about

Letting go of who you thought this person was

Letting go of the life or relationship 

You wish you could have with this person

Letting go of the dreams 

Whether real or imagined

That you had

This process of letting go - it hurts

Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t 

Or that it isn’t supposed to

It’s not their experience

And it’s not their pain 

And you don’t need anyone else

To validate your experience 

Or your pain

6. DATING

Don’t do it

Seriously

Unless you wanna turn

A world of pain

Into galaxies of pain

Don’t date

Don’t even think about dating

And for that matter

To whatever degree possible

Only hang out with people 

That you have no sexual history with

Or sexual attraction to

This might also be a huge wake-up call

For some of you

Because often 

When we’re in abusive relationships 

We’ve long abandoned our loved ones

Or else they’ve cut off contact with us

Because it was too painful to watch us

Destroy ourselves

But that’s a whole other topic

Again

If you don’t have anyone in your life

That you can honestly say you trust

And that has your back

It may be an invitation

To truly confront yourself

On a level you never have before

I know it can feel scary

And overwhelming

But trust that this is all happening

Because there is another life

Available and waiting for you

It’s just going to require some willingness

Some major willingness

On your part

In order to find your way there 

7. PATTERNS

On the absolute deepest level

This process isn’t about understanding the process

It’s not even really about understanding

The other person - the so-called narcissist 

Not because they don’t exist

And not because their abuse isn’t real

IT IS 

But because on the deepest level

Abuse is a pattern

It’s a sign post

Telling us where 

It still hurts

Telling us where 

Our boundaries are still porous

Telling us where our wounds

Are still in desperate need

Of the love we so freely

Give away to others

But can’t stand to give ourselves

And the most important aspect 

Of this process

Is Forgiveness

Both forgiveness of those who have hurt us

When we were 

Too young

Too defenseless 

Too vulnerable 

To protect ourself

And forgiveness of ourselves 

For continuing 

To let people hurt us

Because we didn’t know

We were still trying to heal

From those who had hurt us before

Joy is your natural state 

It’s time for you to remember

To our collective growth,

Tara x

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ON NARCISSISM

What are YOU are tolerating

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Disclaimer - if the title of this post doesn’t  annoy you
Then feel free to skip to the  below 

To anyone who sort of rolls their eyes when they hear the word “narcissist”
I get it - I used to be one of those people too

And to be fair
People DO misuse the word 
And throw it around casually
When of course there’s nothing casual about dealing with a narcissistic person

Narcissism isn’t just a matter of having an inflated sense of self
It goes far deeper than that

And even though I may dislike the word as much as the next person
We use terms like this 
And language in general
To make it easier to communicate what we mean 
Without having to use a lot of description and examples each and every single time

We human beings rely on language enormously to live our day-to-day lives
If you don’t think so
Try taking a vow of silence sometime
It will completely change you

So yes, people misuse the word
Yes, most people don’t have a very deep understanding about the pathology of narcissism
And yes, the modern spiritual community seems especially repelled by the concept

And I believe the main reason for this 
Is the fact that calling someone a narcissist 
Sounds like casting blame
Versus taking full responsibility for allowing this person in your life 
And them letting them stay 
And they’re not totally wrong  

But until you understand what I’m sharing with you today 
The rest of the conversation - about personal accountability and healing - won’t matter  

End of Disclaimer 

    

What I really want you to understand today
(stay tuned for the personal responsibility and what-you-can-actually-do-about-it piece coming next week)
Is this 
You need to understand 
That when it comes to living your absolute best life
A relationship with a narcissistic person 
Or someone with strong traits in that direction
Will make that reality impossible
 
It doesn’t matter if that person is your partner, mother, father, boss, or child
And it doesn’t matter if they ever get a formal diagnosis or not
Especially given that most people who fall into this category rarely seek treatment
(If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissistic person, you know that better than anyone)

So first things first
Here are a few characteristics of true narcissists
And for the purposes of (re)evaluating your own life
Which is my desire for you
These are the characteristics that really matter:

• All narcissists abuse - whether mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, verbally, or economically

• They never take responsibility - not verbally, and certainly not by changing their actual behavior   

• Related to the the last point, they always find a way to blame others for anything that goes wrong - and with these types of individuals, you’ll find that things are often going ‘wrong’ because others aren’t doing what they “should be”

• Their reaction to situations is often disproportionate to what the event or "trigger" was that set them off 

• The entire life, identity, and reality of this kind of person is filtered through an over-inflated sense of self which goes far beyond our everyday notion of ego, and is actually quite difficult for most ‘normal’ people to comprehend 

And
Just as importantly
These are some of the ways you will feel 
When in the presence of a true narcissist:

• Uneasy - not necessarily because something ‘happened’ but just because that’s how you’ll find yourself feeling when around this person  

• You will question yourself pretty much all the time - and depending on how much time you spend with this person, you can start finding it more and more difficult to make even small decisions 

• You will begin to question your interpretation of events - and eventually, your interpretation of reality as a whole

• If you dare to question anything about their version of reality, they will become enraged

• When they don’t get their way, one way or another - whether now or years from now (the true narcissist is extremely patient) - they will make you pay

• And ultimately, you will feel an overwhelming sense that you don't really exist

And the truth is
You don't 
Not to them

But here’s the real
And not-so-pleasant truth:

Like any other relationship you will ever have with another human being
A person will only treat you as good or bad as you let them

Think of this as sort of a corollary to the idea that you will always get in life what you tolerate

So the place to start is to ask yourself what are you tolerating

What are YOU are tolerating

Not what is the other person doing

But what have you allowed to take place
In this particular relationship 
With this particular person 
And perhaps with others before them

The biggest obstacle people have 
When they start doing this work
Is the refusal to see things 
As they are
And NOT worse than they are

And especially to see yourself 
As someone who deserves 
Your own forgiveness and compassion 
To see YOURSELF as you are
As someone who is on their own Soul’s journey
And as hard as it may be to believe 
From where you’re standing right now
There is a way out of these dynamics and relationships
Which will be the topic of next week’s post

Joy is your natural state
It’s time for you to remember 

To our collective growth
Tara 

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ENVIRONMENT MATTERS

You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with

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Thanks so much for signing up for my newsletter!


I’m so excited you’ve decided to come on this journey with me


This week I wanna talk to you about something so fundamental
That without it
Reaching all your other goals is always gonna seem like an uphill battle


It’s about the importance of environment
And why your environment is the single biggest predictor of your outcomes


I’m sure you’ve heard the expression 


“You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”


And if you really stop and look around
You’ll see how much truth there is to that statement 


This is easy for most of us to grasp if we’re dealing with a truly unhealthy situation
Something that’s obviously toxic
Or even downright abusive


And it goes without saying that if you’re dealing with any of that
Whether it’s a romantic relationship
A family member - especially someone you live with 
Or a friend that you have any sort of regular contact with
It’s going to affect the overall direction of your life


But what’s less obvious 
Is when you’re dealing with people who may not be “toxic” in an obvious way
But you know deep down they’re still not good for you 


This is especially going to be true for you if: You’ve done a fair amount of (personal development) work on yourselfYou’re sensitive to your environment (this is a good thing btw so don’t ever let anyone, including yourself, make you believe otherwise)You have really big dreams

You’ve done a fair amount of inner work:


If you’ve been on the healing path for a while, you’ve learned things about yourself that the people around you probably haven’t (aka - you’ve become more insightful about yourself and the people around you probably don’t have the same level of insight about themselves)
This isn’t about being better than anyone 
It’s simply about accepting the fact that you will thrive more if you surround yourself with people who are on a similar path 


You’re sensitive (aka you’re a ‘sensing’ person)
You’re attuned to your environment
You pick up on things - body language, people’s tone of voice, subtle changes in your surroundings - that others may not 
This means your energy might be more easily affected than the people around you
Especially if you’re going through a tough time and less to ‘give’ to others strictly in terms of your energy 
This will be even more true if you’re someone who aims to please others (I’ll say more on people-pleasing in a future post)
Being a deeply feeling person can sometimes make relating to the “normal” world feel like a challenge 


You have big huge dreams
And finally, there’s the matter of purpose
Your dreams
Your vision
Your calling
Whether you know what that is yet or not
It doesn’t matter
You know that you have one
And you know that it’s big


If any of that describes you, there’s one thing I can tell you for certain:


Hanging out with people who don’t encourage - or even worse, who minimize - your dreams is gonna slow you WAY down
And the funny thing is, it won’t just slow you down is the area of your dreams
It’ll slow you down in all areas of your life


Because in this reality of ours, everything is connected
And unhappiness in one area of life (whether that’s your job, your relationship, your body or your money situation) will always spill into unhappiness in every other area too 


So back to the importance of environment 
Nothing will shift your life faster than letting go of people and situations that no longer serve you


Is this easy?
No


Is it necessary?
Yes


Of course, you can try and play it safe and do the whole


“Let me try and find new people to hang out with before I let go of the circle I’m in now”


But again, it’s slower going
And it also lends itself to the question 


“What am I so afraid of?”


Well the answer to that will be found in next week’s newsletter 
But I’ll give you a hint
It has to do with fear, ancestral programming, and the unknown 


Until then, I love you 


And remember, joy is your natural state


It’s time to remember 


To our collective growth,
Tara x

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Soul Family

Souls recognize one other. Your Soul Family is always with you no matter where you are, no matter where you go, no matter what you do.

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The six of us in this photo are first cousins. We’re connected by blood, but the reason for our connection runs much deeper.

Truth is we all have family members we don’t feel this kind of connection with. And we all have non-blood related friends and relationships where we absolutely do.

These people are our Soul Family.

Souls recognize one other. Your Soul Family is always with you no matter where you are, no matter where you go, no matter what you do.

These connections don’t need explanations. They defy time. And, even though challenges arise, love remains their dominant frequency.

Love like this is eternal. It is from before this life and will extend well beyond it. It is forever.

I know the holidays aren’t an easy time for everyone, but if you can, remember that your Soul Family is the family you get to choose for yourself.

And that it’s very possible for you to resonate even with people you’ve never met in person more you do with the people you may physically have around you right now.

Again, if you can, allow this to be enough, for now. Let it bring you a little bit of relief. A little bit of peace.

You are loved,
Tara x

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HEAL

DON'T GIVE INTO THE TEMPTATION TO RECONNECT WITH THAT PERSON FROM YOUR PAST WHO YOU ALREADY KNOW ISN'T RIGHT FOR YOU.

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It will only satisfy you temporarily, right before it leaves you feeling worse than you did before. You already know this.

Absolutely no relationship will ever give you the satisfaction you’re craving if you’re not already relatively satisfied with yourself.

This is why most relationships don’t work. It’s not just the relationships that have to heal, but the people who get into them.

You were meant for so much more.

To our collective growth,
Tara x

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Two Myths About Relationships

Myth #1 Relationships can make you unhappy and cause you pain.

They can’t. They can only bring the pain that is already there to the surface, which in turn no doubt causes its own pain, but it’s not the original source.

Myth #2. Relationships can make you happy.

Myth #2. Relationships can make you happy. They can’t. They can only amplify the happiness that is already within you, which in turn also causes a new level of happiness between both of you. But if either person is lacking this basic level of peace and contentment on their own, this is super unlikely to happen.

What are your thoughts?!

❤️ Tara x

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