Let THIS be that glimmer
Welcome back to our series on Narcissism
If you missed last week’s post
You can find it here
Before you go on
I was specifically guided to ask
That you read this post with an open heart
And to see this as a sign post
Spirit says
You have been asking
For a way out of pain
God/Source/the universe always hears our requests
But whether we listen
Will always be up to us
That is the nature of this human experience
And the nature of our free will
If your heart is open
This can be the beginning
Of a new life for you
It all begins with you
With the decision
With the clarity
That you don’t want to suffer anymore
Keep in mind
That you don’t have to have all the answers
You don’t have to know “how” it will all work
The truth is you can’t
And the good news is you don’t need to
All you need to know
Is that the way things are right now
Is no longer working for you
And that you are ready
To change direction
Leaving any relationship
Is uncomfortable
Often even scary
But leaving an abusive relationship
Is like a nightmare collapsed on to itself
Casting out all but a glimmer of light
If you’re still reading this
TRUST
That there is a reason
Let THIS be that glimmer
It’s all you need
To begin changing your life
7 Keys To Healing From Narcissistic Abuse:
1. DENIAL
Understand that your denial
Is a guaranteed path
To your continued suffering
The trickiest aspect
Of dealing with any sort of abuse
Is the temptation to fall back asleep
By which I mean
The temptation to fall back into denial
So this first step
Is more an exercise in consciousness
It’s something you may have to bring yourself back to
Time and time again
And that’s ok
Just know that the moment
You start to have thoughts like
“Oh maybe it’s not that bad”
“Maybe he really gets it this time”
“This is the worst it will ever be”
“She promised she’d never do it again”
These thoughts
Are signs
That you have fallen back asleep
Back into the program
So you have to be willing
To see this for what it is
A well-practiced defense mechanism
Which will keep you in hell
Forever
If you let it
Become aware
Your denial cannot survive
The light of your awareness
2. JOURNAL
If it’s an option
I’d recommend you find a good therapist
So you can begin to have someone
Serve as a witness to your experience
If for whatever reason
You can’t do that at this point in time
You can start to keep a journal
In fact
I would recommend doing this either way
Any good therapist would do the same
Keep your journal somewhere safe
If that’s not an option
Write in shorthand
Or keep notes on your phone
Assuming this person doesn’t have access to it
You may need to get creative
But however you do it
You need to start writing things down
Specifically
You need to write down
Your interactions with this person
And how they made you feel
How they made YOU feel
Not how they told you to feel
Not what they said
Not what you said
But how the interaction
Actually made you FEEL
This might be tough at first
Because you’ve been trained
Away from your feelings
You’ve been programmed
That your feelings are a lie
They’re not
Write them down
3. BLOCK
This should really go without saying
But you have to block, delete, remove
All trace of this person
For the time being
As far as you’re concerned
This person does not exist
There will obviously be exceptions to this
Such as when you have children with this person
Or if you are financially dependent on this person
But to those of you who aren’t in either situation
You need to block off all contact
I know that the thought alone
May send you spiraling
But when you’re ready - aka once you have suffered enough
You will do it
Because you will understand
That your survival depends on it
This will only sound crazy
To someone who doesn’t get it
Because they've never been there
Which brings me to my next point
4. COMPANY
Be ruthless about the company you keep
Always - but especially while healing
Stay away from anyone
Who seems to minimize your situation
Or your pain
Most people won’t get it
This doesn’t make them bad people
But it DOES make them bad for you to be around
While you’re in this vulnerable place
Yes that means it might get lonely
It might mean many conversations
With God
With your journal
With your Soul
But I promise you
There is light on the other side of this
5. DARKNESS
Speaking of light
There is absolutely no way
You’re gonna get through this
Without pain
It hurts to let go of our illusions
And that’s what a lot of your pain will be about
Letting go of who you thought this person was
Letting go of the life or relationship
You wish you could have with this person
Letting go of the dreams
Whether real or imagined
That you had
This process of letting go - it hurts
Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t
Or that it isn’t supposed to
It’s not their experience
And it’s not their pain
And you don’t need anyone else
To validate your experience
Or your pain
6. DATING
Don’t do it
Seriously
Unless you wanna turn
A world of pain
Into galaxies of pain
Don’t date
Don’t even think about dating
And for that matter
To whatever degree possible
Only hang out with people
That you have no sexual history with
Or sexual attraction to
This might also be a huge wake-up call
For some of you
Because often
When we’re in abusive relationships
We’ve long abandoned our loved ones
Or else they’ve cut off contact with us
Because it was too painful to watch us
Destroy ourselves
But that’s a whole other topic
Again
If you don’t have anyone in your life
That you can honestly say you trust
And that has your back
It may be an invitation
To truly confront yourself
On a level you never have before
I know it can feel scary
And overwhelming
But trust that this is all happening
Because there is another life
Available and waiting for you
It’s just going to require some willingness
Some major willingness
On your part
In order to find your way there
7. PATTERNS
On the absolute deepest level
This process isn’t about understanding the process
It’s not even really about understanding
The other person - the so-called narcissist
Not because they don’t exist
And not because their abuse isn’t real
IT IS
But because on the deepest level
Abuse is a pattern
It’s a sign post
Telling us where
It still hurts
Telling us where
Our boundaries are still porous
Telling us where our wounds
Are still in desperate need
Of the love we so freely
Give away to others
But can’t stand to give ourselves
And the most important aspect
Of this process
Is Forgiveness
Both forgiveness of those who have hurt us
When we were
Too young
Too defenseless
Too vulnerable
To protect ourself
And forgiveness of ourselves
For continuing
To let people hurt us
Because we didn’t know
We were still trying to heal
From those who had hurt us before
Joy is your natural state
It’s time for you to remember
To our collective growth,
Tara x
